Canceled cycle again

Yet another canceled cycle. I went in for my first lining checked and it was great at 15. Got my blood drawn and went home. I am I got a call a few hours later from my nurse. She said that we would transfer next week. So I got off the phone and started booking flights. Then I got another call from my nurse. She said unfortunately you have ovulated. I was devastated. Yet another cancellation. Is this a sign? Should I not be trying for another baby right now? After letting that soak in for a few hours I started thinking about what we would do different about the next cycle. I don't think it's a sign I think my body is just tired from all the craziness going on in my life. So I talked with the doctor and we set up a new plan so that I don't ovulate. I will start birth-control pills today and then Lupron the last five days of the birth-control pills. Then after I stop the birth control pills I should start my period. I will then continue the Lupron and start the estrogen patches. Hopefully this will keep me from ovulating and we can do a transfer mid to late July. If it doesn't happen this time or if I don't get pregnant I think we're going to take a break. I want to enjoy my summer and do some fun things without being all hormonal. Fingers crossed everything works out this time.

Cd1

It's time again. Today is cd1 and I'm excited to start my FET cycle. I hope that this cycle goes smoothly and has no set backs. My baseline appointment is set for Wednesday at 10:30. Please say a little prayer for me in hopes I'm all clear. If the cycle goes as planned we are looking at a transfer date around the time of the 4th of July. 

Other than the start of this cycle nothing is really going on. Emma is doing great in therapy and has stated talking a lot more.  She really tries hard at saying words if we ask her to. I imagine it's only a matter of time before she is taking up a storm. Her sensory issues are really getting better as well. Still has a had time with different types of food though. She is a very picky eater. I attribute it to the textures. Or she is just plain stubborn and only wants to eat watermelon cereal and chips. 😔 hoping with time that changes. I know that is a typical stage for toddlers to go through. 

It's hard to believe she will be 2 in just 2 months. Time has flown by. I decided on a Minnie Mouse theme for her party. I can't stay away from Pinterest! I'm addicted and want to do every Minnie Mouse thing I see lol. I'm going to attempt to make both of her cakes. Smash and party cake. Fingers crossed that they turn out as good as they look on Pinterest. 

We also have a new foster puppy! She is available for adoption now. She is to cute for words. 

We started swim lessons!

Surgery

Well I had my gallbladder removed yesterday. Surgery went well, I did get very sick afterwards in recovery though. My neighbor is head of the OR where I went and said I didn't look good at all. Luckily after a few hours I got better. I went home around 5pm. Today was tough. Lots of pain and bloating. I was up every hour last night tossing and turning. The pain was pretty bad. It's hard to get up and move around. Also hard to sit down. I can only hope that I feel better each day from here on out. That's all the news I have for now. Just wanted to do a quick update. 

In a few more weeks I will start my FET cycle again. I am not looking forward to all the hormones again. I'm still a little bitter that I went through it all just to have the cycle cancelled. Praying nothing gets in the way this time. 

Maybe June???

I have scheduled my surgery for my gallbladder next Friday. I'll be happy to get that in my past. The pain I get from it is awful! Doubled over pain that feels like a labor contraction. Luckily the recovery time is short for this surgery. It will be less than a week before I'm back to normal. So that's a plus. 

I talked with my nurse about when we could get back on the horse with our FET. She said with my next cycle as long as I'm cleared from my surgeon. That should be mid May. So if I start mid May we are looking at a June transfer. Seems like forever away. But I can't think that way. I need to enjoy my time before I'm prego again. Well hopefully prego again. 

We are having a big bbq at our house in 2 weeks so I'll be able to have fun now. If I would have done the transfer already I wouldn't be able to drink. :) 

That's all I have for now. Just wanted to do a tiny update with what's going on. 

A little down

Today I should be in San Diego. But instead I'm sitting in my living room alone. The baby is sleeping and my husband is gone for 5 more days. I should be about to transfer our little embryo on Tuesday but now I'm shedding that lining I worked so hard to plump up. Today I'm a little depressed. While no one else sees my sadness through my smiles I am crying on the inside. I feel like my body failed me before I could even start. 

My pneumonia is pretty much gone now. My gallstones are still very much there. I have an appointment on Tuesday to see my surgeon. I hope to have my surgery to get my gallbladder out Friday. I don't want to risk not having the surgery and then it flare up during pregnancy. I am also hoping that with the start of my next period in late May we will start the FET cycle again. If that happens I should have my transfer in June. 

Anyway I just thought I would give a little update on what was going on. In other news my little Emma just turned 20 months old!!!!! Here is a picture of my little cutie. 

It's over!

On Thursday I stated feeling sick with a fever chills and a bad cough. I though to myself please God let this be something small and it passes in a day or two. Friday comes and I'm worse. Saturday I can't function. I was in bed shaking uncontrollably when I called for mark to bring the thermometer up. I had taken Tylenol almost 2 hours earlier for my fever and it wasn't breaking! Took my temp and it was 105.3!!!!!!!!! I though for sure it was wrong. Again again and again I took my temp with the same results each time. So off to the er I went. After sticking me not once not twice but five times to get an iv they were able to start getting tests done to see what was going on. Those needles for ivs are horrible! Anyway they did blood tests urine tests and a X-ray. My X-ray came back as pneumonia. 😞 I knew at that moment it was over. He said I'm going to call your fertility dr and see what he wants to do. My RE wanted a CT scan just to make sure that it wasn't a blood clot that looks like pneumonia. But he also said that regardless of the outcome I need to stop the estrogen. My heart kinda sunk a little. That was it, the end. So we did the ct scan and it came back fine. No blood clot but pneumonia was confirmed again. I took off my estrogen patches with a few tears coming out. I was so angry that I had done all the prepping and went through all the hot flashes for nothing. I was released after a iv round of antibiotics and fluids. 

As I was waiting for my mom I told her to bring me food because I felt like I was starving. She did and I ate. But for some reason I felt like I was still hungry. I mean horribly hungry. Bad stomach rumbling hunger pains. So when I got home I ate a little more. But I felt kinda nauseous this time but also had those pains in my stomach still. I went to bed and tried to go to bed. I was up all night with this awful pain in my stomach not to mention I was coughing up a lung as well. By 6 am I thought for sure I was dying. I called the er and they said it could be from coughing but I could come back up if I needed to. I took some Tylenol and tried to get up with my husband and Emma for the day. I laid on the couch and did a few dishes but was still in lots of pain with my stomach. By the afternoon I was in tears and went to the er again. 

They did more tests and gave me pain medication. They wanted to do another ct scan but thought that it was to much radiation. So they suggested an ultrasound. But guess what, they don't have a ultrasound tech in the hospital on Sunday's! WHAT??? You're a hospital right? I was so mad. They said they could page someone if there was an emergency though. But I'm not an emergency. So they sent me home again and told me to get an ultrasound done tomorrow and that my dr has been informed already and she will send me out to have one done once I call in the morning. 

Fast forward through another night of horrible coughing and pain in my stomach. I had my ultrasound and was told I have gallstones! Omg! Only I would get gallstones and pneumonia right before my FET. Now I have to have surgery. I don't believe all this is happening. Is it a sign? Is God telling me not to have a baby again or saying now isn't the time? I'm not sure. I do know that once I'm fully better I will start thinking about it again. I just wonder if I should wait a while now.......

Well I'm still in pain currently but I'm on pain medication so that helps. I'll update more after my surgery and I'm feeling better. 

Easter pics!

We had Easter at my house this year! Everyone came and it was a great time. But I'm pooped from the whole thing. I don't think the estrogen helps with that either. Here are some pics....

It's go time!

I had my lining check this morning and it was 11.85!!!!! They want it to be at least an 8 to do transfer. So it's go time!!!!

We have chosen the 21st as our transfer date. I'll start my progesterone shots and other meds on the 16th. It's hard to believe we are doing this again. This time I'm much more relaxed I think because Emma keeps me busy. There is so much going on I don't have time to sit and obsess and dwell on everything. Once I get to San Diego though for the actual transfer I'm sure that will change. I will once again be a Googling addict on everything. I pray that we get a beautiful healthy take home baby. I sometimes feel that I'm to confident about it working because it worked the first time with Emma. Fingers crossed!!!! 

Moving right along

My last post apparently didn't get published so I published it today. Currently I'm on cd4 although in 30 min cd5. Anyway, I had my baseline and all went well with that. I'm on my estrogen patches and waiting for my first lining check on Friday. These estrogen patches are killing me. I'm so sleepy and trying to keep up with my daughter is proving to be incredibly hard. Not sure really how I'm still awke now. On top of me being a zombie my hubby has bronchitis and is super sick so that didn't make things easier. He is gone mon -Friday most weeks so I don't get a break from the munchkin at all. Kinda a single mom. So when he comes back in town I rely on him to give me a little break but this weekend was difficult. He did try and I was able to go get groceries without a screaming toddler so that's a plus. Hopefully all his traveling will slow down soon. 

I'll update on Friday with results. Hoping my lining is thick enough to schedule my transfer!

Here we go!!!!

Today is cd1. We are starting the process of expanding our family by one more! I go tomorrow for my baseline since they aren't there on the weekends. After that I'll go in for my lining check on cd9 and hopefully it's ready. At that point I'll travel to San Diego for my transfer. :) I can't believe it's already time. 

In other news I'm fostering a momma dog and her 3 pups until they are ready for adoption. They are super cute! Here are a few pictures

Progress

My sonohystriogram went well. The dr said we are good to go with my next cycle. Wow, is this really happening??? I feel like it's happening really fast. I'm very anxious to get the ball rolling. Only a few more weeks. Most likely having the transfer at the end of April. Eeeek!

Emma is doing so good with her therapy. She is no longer doing the speech therapy. They seem to think that the occupational therapy will help with the speech. So 3 times a week for ot for now. When we first went she screamed more than half the time back there. Now, only a week later she is having a blast with her therapist. Some of the therapy includes sand box play, swinging, rolling on an excercise ball and other sensory related activities. I'm so relieved that she is doing so good. Also in the past week she has started saying a few words! Mama being the biggest (at least for me) ball, nana for banana, and uh oh. I'm so proud of her. :)

In other news I will be having laser eye surgery done in Friday! I'm so nervous. I have been wanting to do this for years but haven't gotten the nerve to. It creeps me out to think of them cutting my eyes. I just want to sleep through it. But for obvious reasons that's not possible. 

That's all I have for now. 

She wasn't feeling good so I rocked her to sleep! Love her so much. 

Therapy and starting FET

Therapy for Emma is starting this week. She is going twice a week for occupational therapy and twice a week for speech therapy. Hopeing that she just needs a tiny push to get her going in the right direction. Her first session is on Wednesday. 

Only a month to go before we start our frozen embryo transfer. Tomorrow I'm going for my fluid ultrasound to make sure everything is all good under the hood! Lol basically to make sure my uterus is ok and without any growths of any kind. Then with my next cycle (hopefully in 20 days) we will start the FET cycle. I'll start my estrogen patches on cycle day 1 and get my first ultrasound lining check on cd3. Then again on cd10. If my lining is nice and thick we will schedule the transfer. I need to be on the progesterone in oil shots for1 week before transfer. After that week is up I'll fly out to San Diego and get pregnant Haha. Well I hope at least. I'm excited but nervous. I hope I'm ready for this. Here we go!!!!!!!!

Here is my cutie pie!

More on SPD

http://spdfoundation.net/about-sensory-processing-disorder.html

http://spdfoundation.net/redflags.html

http://sensorysmarts.com/signs_of_spd.html

Sensory processing disorder

We went to Emma's evaluation yesterday with the speech therapist. We are going again next week for another evaluation with the occupational therapist. It's my understanding that Emma most likely has sensory processing disorder which in turn is delaying her speech. Here is a link for more information on this disorder http://www.m.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/sensory-processing-disorder. Basically it's a condition where the signals in the brain aren't connecting and in turn are having trouble Recieving and responding to information recieved from the senses. 1 in 20 children are affected by this and it is treatable.  Especially if caught early this will probably not affect her life in a huge way. 

I have to admit that yesterday I didn't take this very well. Of course the first thing that crossed my mind was what did I do or what didn't I do for this to happen. With further research I discovered that this can be hereditary. Both myself and my husband had some learning disabilities growing up and after reading the signs I believe this is what I had. Back then though it was often misdiagnosed. This was a little of a relief knowing that it wasn't anything that I did. It's just something that happens due To family history. 

After getting home I researched and researched and talked with a dear friend who has s daughter going through the same issue. She helped me a lot and made me feel better. There are state programs that help with this and offer it at no cost. I plan on going to this place recommend by my dr and is covered by my insurance. But insurance only covers 60 visits. So I'll also be doing the state program. I have started the process with them already and have our first visit next Thursday. The really nice thing about the state program is that they come to your house for the therapy. This will make it much easier on us since we will be going to therapy twice a week already at the other place. 

All in all yesterday was a little stressful for me as a mom. I'm feeling much better today about it though. I just don't want my daughter to ever have to struggle in her life. I think that's the hardest part because I see her frustration with not being able to communicate with us. I can usually understand what she is trying to tell me by her gestures but other times I have no clue. She gets very upset when she can't do something or can't get something to work. Like trying to get the blocks in the right hole. She gets very discouraged and starts whining. It kills me to see this. I just want her to be a happy kid. 

Hopefully we will start to see some improvements with these therapies. I imagine that because she is only 18 months we will. They are like sponges at this age. She just needs help connecting those wires in her brain. 

Last night I rocked her to sleep and just kept rocking. I just wanted to hold her. She was so cute. 

These are the moments I live for!

18 months and another baby?

No, I'm not pregnant! But we have decided to go ahead and try for number 2. We have 7 frozen embryos in San Diego. I'll be doing my monitoring here in st Louis and then traveling to San Diego to do the transfer. Oh yea I forgot to mention we moved back to St. Louis, our home town, in December. We are thrilled to be back with family and friends. New York was not for us. Anyway, with my next cycle I will be doing another sonohystriogram. Then the cycle after that the transfer. So we are looking at mid to late April and possibly early May for the transfer. I'm very nervous about handling two little ones but I don't want them to be far apart in age. Emma will hopefully be a good big sister this time next year. :) I'll post more when we get started on the transfer cycle. Now back to my little angel. 

Emma is 18 months, a year and a half old! Hard to believe right? We have had a very eventful past few months. Moving was the huge change. Emma loves our new house as do mark and I. She has so much more room to run around and play. 

Here is a quick update. She has 12 teeth and working on one more right now. Loves to color, read books, go down her indoor little slide. She loves baby dolls right now too. At her 18 month appointment she weighed in at 24.6lbs and couldn't determine her length but guessed it was around 33 inch. She was screaming bloody murder for some reason. She is in 24-2t clothing. Size 5 diaper. Size 6 shoe. She is a pretty picky eater these days. Luckily she still likes the pouches and I can get some nutrients in that way. Her favorite thing to eat is bananas, granola bars, grilled cheese, turkey, cereal, peanuts and loves fruit snacks! 

We had a scary week a few weeks ago. Emma had a stomach bug that started off as vomiting and diarrhea along with a fever. As the week went by she had diarrhea multiple times a day.you could tell the kid was pretty miserable. So I took her to the doctor and they wanted me to bring her to the ER to check some blood work and to get a urine sample to make sure she doesn't have a urinary track infection or kidney infection. That was The worst thing I've ever had to experience as a mother. They gave her fluids through an IV and had to use a catheter to get urine. I hope I never have to witness that again. It was terrible to have to see her go through that. Turns out she was extremely dehydrated and that is was just a stomach bug. She just couldn't recover because of the dehydration. After she got the fluids she almost instantly got better. Very scary situation. 

Other than that Emma is a thriving little girl. There is a concern with her not talking still. She really doesn't say many words other than dada and what's that. So the pediatrician is having us see a speech therapist. I'm hoping that with a little help she starts blabbing all types of words. Don't get me wrong this kid talks all day long. She just doesn't say any words. I'll update after our first visit. 

Here are some pictures!!!

Christmas 

Our last nyc outing! The rockefeller Christmas tree.