Just being me

 I am not a perfect mother or woman.  I do not eat enough fruits and veggies (for a nursing mom). I let her cry for more than 5 min sometimes. Sometime I just have to put her in the pack n play and take a step outside. My laundry hamper is almost always full. I often forget a load in the washer overnight. My carpets desperately need to see the long lost vacuum. I found a few grapes under the chair the other day. Had to be a few weeks old. I often just sit my ass down on the couch while Emma naps and do nothing. My bathrooms need some scrub and bubbles (by the way, they don't scrub so you don't have to. That's a bunch of crap. False advertising if you ask me.) I have fallen asleep while nursing, burping, pumping, going to the bathroom and pretty much during everything else to. I have let Emma sleep in our bed. I nurse her to sleep most nights. I don't always follow the 2 day bath rule for Emma (that's my own rule to, smh). Who am I kidding, I don't follow that rule for myself most the time haha.  My dogs don't always get fresh water every day. My husband gets a cranky wife most days just because I need to vent to someone........... I guess what I'm trying to say here is I am just me. I'm no mother Theresa or Betty Crocker.  I make a lot of mistakes and I am sometimes selfish. But I am true to myself. I tell ya how it is and I don't sugarcoat shit.  I think that's what make me me. You love me or hate me. I would rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I'm not. 

No matter what pressure you have on you. Or who tells you what is best for you. Just be you! Go with your gut. You have all the answers you need there. No googling, books, other moms or even your own mom will have the "right" answers. Only you. So it's ok if your house is a mess, your kids run around screaming in stores, you don't eat fruits and veggies, or if you sometimes just lay like broccoli on the sofa. Do what you need to do. It will be ok!  Just be you. Stay True. 

That is all. Just felt the urge to write. :)

Where has the time gone?

Wow! I can't believe that I haven't posted anything in such a long time. I don't know where to start really. Things have been very busy around here lately. I'll just jump right in I guess. 

For Halloween mark and I were able to go to St. Louis and be with our families for the week. So greatful for this. Emma was able to finally meet everyone. For Halloween my mom and I drove to Kansas City to see my sister and the twins. Emma was an elephant! She was really cute!

My family came here to New York for thanksgiving. It was awesome they could come. It was a lot of fun! The house was full of laughter and babies!this was our first thanksgiving without my grandma so it was hard. But I made the turkey and my mom and sister made everything else. My first turkey came out Great! I was very pleased with myself :) I must say it's a very gross process getting that bird ready though. Lol It was a great thanksgiving!

Emma's reflux is still a huge problem. She doesn't spit up but she is constantly in pain and screaming. I put her on the solutab instead of the compound prevacid and it seems to help and she loves the taste. She hated the compound. She would spit it back in my face and choke on it. Awful I tell you. I have her in her crib tucker sling now. She is no longer in our room! The tucker sling hasn't done a lot of help I don't think with the reflux. I hope that soon it gets better and we can move past this and on to happier times. 

As far as sleeping....... For the past 3 nights now she has slept through the night. Bed time is 7:30 and she goes until about 4:30 without waking. Then I feed her and she goes back to sleep until 8am. Before now she was up every 3-4 hours wanting to sleep. I was loosing it. I have raccoon eyes to show for it, lol. I just hope she continues to sleep for us. I am so much more usefull when I have sleep. 

Last week I started her on cereal. At first due didn't know what to do with it and would just let it fall out of her mouth, haha. It was incredibly funny. She then started slurping it. Now she can't wait for it to get to her mouth. She opens her mouth and let's out a squeal if I'm not going fast enough. We tried peas and sweet potatoes but I don't think she is ready for that yet. She was up all night with what I think was a stomach ache. I'll hold off for now on that. Let her master cereal. 

Emma's 4 month appointment was 2 days ago. Here are her stats..... 14 pounds 12 ounces (75th percentile), 26 inches long (95th percentile) BIG GIRL, her head was 16 inch (50th percentile). The doctor said she looked like a 6 month old she is so long. The kid is in 6 month onesies already and in a size 3 diaper already! She needs a little physical therapy for something called torticollis. Her head leans to the right a little. So hopefully a little therapy will help it. She screamed bloody murder when she got her shots. Poor girl! The second I picked her up though she was happy. A mothers touch I guess ;)  

She is incredibly close to sitting by herself. She can do it for a few seconds but then either leans forward or falls to the side. She has rolled over 2 times. The first time was a fluke at 2 months I think. The other one was about a week ago but hasn't done it since. 

Well, Im sure I'm leaving out a lot but I just can't remember. Hopefully now that I'm getting a little more sleep I'll be able to post a little more. We will be going to St. Louis for Christmas. I'm really excited. I got her a few rally cute outfits. :)

Hope everyone is doing well

Stylin!

Cutest elephant ever. 

Cousins Grace and Sophia

3 months

3 months old here

I need butter for those rolls

First time with Santa

Peas and sweet potato fail! She wouldn't even keep the peas in her mouth. So I switched to sweet potatoes 

4 months old

Early Christmas present from Mimi and Pappy!

Merry Christmas!!!

2 months!

Thursday marked Emma's 2 month birthday! Wow that is so hard to believe isn't it? Things are going ok around here. We are still trying to get her reflux under control. Yesterday we started her on Prevacid. She is still on the Zantac for a few days until the Prevacid starts working. I really hope that this works for her. She is so miserable. Night time is the worst for her. Sometimes she screams for hours on end. And it's piercing screams. The kind that could break glass. I feel so helpless in what I can do for her. So I just hold her and comfort her as best I know how to. A few days agoI bought the Tucker sling from a girl on craigslist. They are very expensive new so I'm glad I was able to find one. I am hoping this will help with our transition into the crib. 

Other than the reflux Emma is doing great! We went for her 2 month appointment on Thursday. She weighed 11 lbs 15 ounces and in the 75th percentile. She was 23 1/4 inch long and in the 75th percentile there to. Her head was 15 inches and in the 25th percentile.  The Doctor wants her to go see a orthopedist because her left leg makes a popping sound all the time. He says it's probably ok but better safe than sorry. So I will make that appointment this week. She also got her shots. 3 shots and an oral medicine. She screamed until she ended up falling asleep in the car :( The rest of the day she slept!!! A nice change in our house. She even fell asleep during play time. It was hilarious!

She is smiling and cooing a lot now. She reacts with a big gummy smile when we make faces at her. Her neck strength is very good! She does great during tummy time. She has also discovered she can fit her whole hand in her mouth. A lot of times she ends up gagging herself. Lol We have found that Emma has a love for music. When she cries we turn it on and most the time it will calm her. She prefers women's voices when it comes to that. Her favorite toy is her hanging sun that plays music on her play mat. She just stares and stares at it. :)

I tried transitioning her to the crib the past few weeks but she usually wakes up a few hours later and I just put her back in her snug a bunny rocker. I think that once I get the tucker sling set up on her mattress she will do better. Its not inclined enough for her right now. Therefor her acid reflux bothers her. 

I'm still breastfeeding her and plan on doing this until........ Well I haven't decided yet. I guess until she can have regular milk or her teeth bother me lol. She goes 2 1/2-3 hours during the day between feedings and 3-4 at night. I'm praying once this medicine kicks in she will get a longer stretch. 

Well that's about all the news I have for now. Hope you all are doing well!!

Passed out after her shots! Lol

Cardinals fan!

Love this picture

6 weeks old

We have reached 6 weeks! Along with that came a few firsts. Emma has started to smile at us and imitate our facial expressions. I can't get enough of those big gummy smiles!!! I love it. It's these little moments that I live for. 

I'm trying to get a schedule down but it's pretty challenging. Eat, play, sleep is what I'm going for but the sleep part is what I'm struggling with. She always fights her sleep. Then she gets super fussy and ends up having a meltdown.  At that point she just want to nurse for comfort. It's hArd not to just give in on that one. Especially when she is screaming so loud that I think it's possible my ear drums will burst. But I guess it just takes time and practice to get all the kinks worked out. 

So I'm starting to think Emma has a little colic. Night time has proven to be very difficult. Not every night but 4 times a week would be a good estimate. Nothing makes her stop. She gets incredibly worked up. Sometimes she screams for upwards of 4 hours straight. I have come close to mental breakdowns. I am sometimes questioning my sanity. When she finally does fall asleep my ears continue to ring. It is awful. I have talked to the dr about this but he just brushes it off as her just being a newborn. But I'm convinced there is something going on. Her schedule is this.... Eat, play for 15-20 min, scream, sleeps for 10-20 min, screams again possibly sleeps again for a few min and then screams until its time to eat again. I don't know what to do. I'm going to call the dr tomorrow and say something needs to be done. And that I'm not just exaggerating. 

Marks mom came out to see Emma this past week. She was able to take in the sights of New York as well. Hopefully Emma's screaming didn't make her go crazy. 

Well it took me 3 days to write this tiny post. I'm just so exhausted. I'll try to post an update after I bring her to the dr. 

Here are some pictures. 

1 month old

Wow! Where has the time gone?!? I can't believe she is already one month old. Seems like yesterday we were leaving the hospital. 

Well these past two weeks have been fun. She is more awake during the day now. She just looks around all bright eyed. Doesn't really focus or track things but she enjoys looking at whatever her eyes land on. Nights are sometimes hard. She has been getting stomach aches and bad gas in the evenings. She just screams. I feel so bad for her. We have gas drops we give her but they don't always work. I'm almost positive it's because she's not a good burper. I can burp her for an hour and get nothing. I've tried stopping a few times during the feedings but it still doesn't help. Not sure what I should do about this but I plan on asking the doc this week. 

Breastfeeding is going great. I sometimes wish I wasn't exclusively breastfeeding just so I could catch a break but I know it's good for her. She doesn't take well to bottles or pacifiers. She just wants to nurse. Oh well, I should be thankful that I can breastfeed. 

My parents came in town for the week. They leave on Monday. It's been so much fun seeing them hold Emma and Emma just loves all the attention. They have been a big help with house work to. It's really nice to be able to relax and not worry about laundry and dishes all the time. My mom cut and highlighted my hair while she was here. It is short! I like it though. Much easier to take care of. 

Mark left for the weekend to St. Louis to be in a friends wedding. It's hard not having him here but things are going well. I can't wait to have him back though. 

As for me. I'm doing good. I'm often tired during the day but can't seem to nap well. My brain just doesn't allow me to nap. I have kinda stalled on the weight loss front. I have lost 30 pounds so far. I plan on starting to tone in a few weeks after my appointment with my OB. 

Nothing else really new around here. Here are some pics from the past few weeks. Enjoy!